This year has been the most depressing year of my whole 15 years of living. I think I've hit rock bottom. I've never been so sad for the whole year. However, at the same time, I've been in my worst behaviour ever. I hate myself for that. Why cant I just be a nice person? Maybe the depression has turned me against myself and everyone else. What made me most depress was the separation of my parents and the habit of Syakir. Yeah, that mean bastard. I don't ever want to see him again. Sometimes, I feel like I dont love him at all. The hatred has tored our relationship apart. Even Syahmi is angry with him. I guessed family problems do hit me real hard. I wish to avoid them all but you know what they say, "you can run, but you can't hide". One thing I hate about when I'm depressed, is the urge to commit suicide or to run away. So many nights have I cried myself to sleep, this year. It was the only time when I could let out my feelings. But because my maid sleeps in my room now, I have to cry softly because she has ears. I wish I could scream my feelings out. Right now,it's all clogged up, ready to explode anytime. The negative effect: uncontrollable and endless. I pray hard all these emotions will fade away. I wish I could cry it out but I know I can't.